So she broke up with me at the end of April....and I can't even pretend to "move on". I keep myself busy obviously with any number of things at this point (work, new house, selling old house, training, etc.)...but thoughts of her creep in in the points between, which are numerous. I'm at a point where I legitimately don't know what to do. She won't communicate with me (has me blocked on stuff, ignores texts) at this point, and I never really got any REAL closure. I don't honestly know if she convinced herself I raped her at once point (I didn't, if anyone ever says NO, STOP, at all I halt all activity and check in or just stop) or what. She acted like we weren't compatible in a lot of ways, and maybe that's true, but I also love her dearly and I don't throw the L word around.
To me honestly saying you Love someone is extremely serious, I pretty much swear fealty to that person on some level if I'm saying that.
I could just go to her house obviously, but I feel like that's being disrespectful....the on the other hand maybe her warped senses of love and caring WANT (or wanted at some point) me to do that? I just don't get it.
I've never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months (and maybe 2 of those), so having been with her for ~2.5 years it just feels like a whole chunk of you is missing and I don't really know how to get over it...or if I even should. A lot of me thinks that was my one chance at this point, to not be alone for the duration, and I NEVER wanted to be alone forever. Just me and her (and kids or whatever) against the world? Hell yea, but alone? Never thought I would be here.
I feel like it should have been made abundantly apparent my whole life that if you don't find someone in hs or college that you aren't finding anyone.
And while I'd like to think I could really whore it up, it just isn't even fun for me and I'm fairly certain I would just be thinking of her. Plus the fact that I will not drink or be around it limits the opportunity for that anyway.
I'm just kind of venting at this point, I don't really expect anyone to solve my problems for me.