Competition: Win a free cycle!

Its simple the best joke/funny story wins a free cycle...no BS no strings...the rules are as follows:

1) one joke/story per person...
2) no links/pics...only text...
3) the competition ends on Sunday Oct 22
4) the winner will be announced by the board...one vote/person and you cant vote for yourself...the voting ends on oct 23 and will be done in this thread only
5) I will formally announce the winner on Monday Oct 23

the winner gets 21 ICN test E, 100 methanabol dbol 10mg, 100 nolvadex 10mg and 24 clomid 50mg...good luck!...Alex

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, -"I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us!" So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, -"Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass. A man reclining on the couch asked, -"Are you the people that broke my window?" -"Uh... yes, sir. We're sure sorry about that."- the husband replied. The man on the couch said, -"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself." -"Wow, that's great!"- the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, -"I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." -"No problem."- said the genie. -"You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" -"And now you, young lady, what do you want?"- the genie asked. -"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world."- she said. -"Consider it done."- the genie said. -"And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!" -"And now,"- the couple asked in unison, -"what's your wish, genie?" -"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, -"Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, -"You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?" -"You know I love you sweetheart,"- said the husband. -"I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, -"How old are you and your husband?" "Why, we're both 35."- she responded breathlessly. -"No kidding,"- he said. -"Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies!"

true story

when my son was 5 and he came to stay with me i would put him to bed in his pajamas. every morning when i went in to see if he was up he would be totally naked. i figured maybe he got hot in the middle of the night and took them off and i didn't think too much about it. after a few weekends of this and one weekend when it was cooler weather he still shed his pajamas sometime in the middle of the night. finally i just asked. jon, i said, why is it i put you to bed in your pajamas and every morning you wake up naked? Why are you taking off your pajamas in the middle of the night? he looked at me like i should know and matter of factly just blurted out..."so my wiener can breath,...geez dontcha know anything" ?.........live and learn i guess

Tom

JOKE 2: THE TOP TEN LIST OF YOU MIGHT BE A POWERLIFTER IF:


1.you check your squat depth while using the shitter
2.you think santa is a pussy cause he uses 8 reindeer to pull one sled\
3.your idea of "cardio" is running from the power rack to the closest garbage can after a set of squats so you don't puke on the floor
4.You buy a T-shirt that says "Size does matter" and you didn't realize they were talking about genitals, you might be a powerlifter
5.the greeting "Good Morning" makes your hamstrings and lower back ache
6.If you leave the gym with a pump in your glutes more often that a pump in your biceps.......You might be a powerlifter
7.you psych up before lifting your laundry basket off the floor
8.you give yourself an audible "Rack It!" command before hanging up your clothes in your closet
9.you have ever put protein powder in your MacDonalds shake; Right at the counter
10.you feel closer to a lifter you just met at a meet than you do to most of the people at a family reunion.

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He
smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl
was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the
wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to see what work of God had captured her attention.
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
What do you call the spider on top?" she asked. "That's Daddy Longlegs,"
her father answered.
"So the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his
heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question, he replied
"No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl, looking puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her
foot and stomped them flat!
"Well, we're not having any of that gay shit in our garden"

Tom said:

."so my wiener can breath,...geez dontcha know anything" ?.........live and learn i guess

Tom

Click to expand...

I know this is the best one...

Is a high dosage cicle or a mickey mouse cilce???

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch.

The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to
tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old
house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good
stuff.

The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams
the bartender. "This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can
buy. I'm not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old
scotch."

The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a
scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch.

The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. "This is only
6-year-old scotch. I won't pay for this, and I insist on, a good,
12-year-old scotch."

The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality,
12-year-old scotch.

An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire
episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass
down in front of him and asks, "What do you think of this?"

The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out
the liquid yelling "Why, this tastes like piss,"

The old drunk replies, "That's right, now tell me how old I am."

What do you call a fly after you pull its wings off??



A WALK

Malic777.com said:

the winner gets 21 ICN test E, 100 methanabol dbol 10mg, 100 nolvadex 10mg and 24 clomid 50mg...good luck!...Alex

Click to expand...

How much time off do you recommend after a 2-week cycle like the above?

phatrr said:

How much time off do you recommend after a 2-week cycle like the above?

Click to expand...

ok the prize is 50 test 300 dbol 300 nolva and 3x HCG-s 5000IU and 3 clomids...4 weeks is plenty ...alex

Here is my joke.

professional womens basketball

Malic777.com said:

ok the prize is 50 test 300 dbol 300 nolva and 3x HCG-s 5000IU and 3 clomids...4 weeks is plenty ...alex

Click to expand...

Wow! Alex, big kudos for taking my lame attempt at humor as a reason to up the prize. You are the man!

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so
pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won
again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local
paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of
the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the
next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper
read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day
the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

So two ladies in their 40's go out to lunch. The ladies are having a great time talking about their past when one of them says "you know, I haven't had a date in almost 30 years!" "Are you serious?" replied the other, "well I have this chiropractor and he also knows a lot about homeopathic remedies and stuff!" "Maybe there is just something mentally wrong and you just aren't looking in the right places?" After thinking about the scenario, the woman agreed to see him, "Now what is the doctor's name?" "Ohh", replied the woman, "His name is Dr. Wong", "He's chinese and very polite, but he has a thick accent!" So later on that day the woman called the doctor's office and made an appointment for the following day. The next day she arrived at the doctor's office and walked into the clinic. "Ahh, hava a seat and Mista. Wong will be right with you", replied the woman at the desk. A few minutes later Doctor Wong opened his door and asked the woman to come into his office. She stepped in and started to explain her problem. In the middle of her explanation he stopped her and proceeded to look her up and down. "Ohh, I think I cana helpa you!" "Take off all your clothes, kneel down an crawl to wall...then get up and walk back!" Appauled, the woman started to leave, but then she figured that she was already there and maybe this doctor knows something that others do not. So she proceeded to strip down stark naked, kneel down and crawl to the wall. As she got up Dr. Wong was shaking his head. "Ohhh, very bad, very bad" "What is it Doctor, is there something wrong?" asked the woman. "Ah yes, you hava Zachary disease!" "Zachary disease?" "what the heck is that, I have never heard of it!" replied the woman. "Is it bad, is that why I am having this probelm?" "Yes, very bad" "Ohhh, excuse me... but your face looks Zachary like your ass!"

This little kid was watching his mamma bake in the kitchen..So he whiped the baking powder on his face and said LOOK MAMMA IM WHITE! His mom slaps him in the face and tells the boy to show his father..So the boy does..LOOK DADDY IM WHITE..his dad hits him real hard right in the kisser..his father tells the boy to go to his grandma..So the boy did..HEY GRANDMA IM WHITE!!! his grandma slaps him acrossed his head..and told the boy to go back to his mother..so the boy went back into the kitchen with his mom..And his mom go's you learn ur lesson now?

The boy go's I sure did..

I BEEN WHITE FOR 5 MINS AND I ALREADY HATE U BLACK PEOPLE!

A few years back, I was attending college at San Diego State University. I met this girl and we were kinda hangin out for a few weeks, off and on. Anyway, saturday night came around and my fraternity had a big party. She came, we kinda messed around there, then I went to her dorm with her. We get back, absolutely hammered, and screw. Now what happened next was crazy. Keep in mind, at this time, I was dieting very hard and on clen and T3. That night was my first night in about 4-5weeks where I actually drank a lot and had a cheat meal. It was mexican food(1 carneasada burrito and 5 rolled taco's with guac and sour cream) Consumed about 6 pap's blue ribbon beers and about 5shots worth of vodka in mixed drinks within about an hour) Anyway, I wake up the next morning around 6am to find shit all over the bed. Were talking about liquid dirreara everywhere. All over my boxers, the bedspread,etc.... I start to panic and had no idea what to do. I kinda tapped her, and made some noise, but she got soooooo hammered the night before, she was dead asleep. I couldnt let her know Im a little baby who shit the bed,so i got this idea. What I did was, I took off my boxers and scooped up some shit, then I smeared it in the inside of "her" butthole and a little on the cheeks to make it look like she made the mess. It was perfect, b/c she had mexican food as well and the way I masterpieced it on her was flawless. I left a note, saying "OMG, I didnt want to wake you, b/c i'd prefer to never speak to you agian. This is the most foul,disgusting, repulsive thing i've ever seen someone do" and I left. The funny thing is, I never saw her again, she never came to the fraternity and I never saw her in the area again. Its almost like she dissapeared.

A woman gets on a bus, carrying her baby. As she pays her fare, the driver says 'Jesus, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen.' The woman goes to the back of the bus, fuming with indignation, and sits down next to another passenger. She turns to the passenger, and says 'Did you hear what the driver said to me? I was so shocked, I couldn't even speak!' So the other passenger, sympathetic, says 'Never mind, dear, you go back there and tell him what you think of him. I'll hold your monkey for you.'

No honey, I don't feel like it tonight...." This was written by a
guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Have a sense of humour!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I
have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well,
the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was
that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet
dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for
me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which
one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes
to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each
outfit." We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a
pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She
must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to
think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when
she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She
was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me
to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this
look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love
me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that girl
knows I'm smarter than her.

Theres a husband and wife. Happily married, except the husband wakes up every morning and farts. The wife says that disgusting one day you gonna fart your guts out. He just smiles and says never
Thanks giving morning the wife goes down stairs to prepare the turkey and as shes taking the giblets out she gets a bright idea. She sneaks upstairs and puts the the giblets into her husbands pants and sneaks back down stairs. She carries on with the food giggling and laughing at her clever idea.
The husband wakes up and farts. He feels all this wet shit behind him and puts his hand there just to find his guts! So he screams and runs to the bathroom. The wife is now in hesterics laughing. After half an hour he hasnt come down yet? So the wife goes upstairs to look for him... hes not in bed... she opens the bathroom door and there is her husband! He is sweating and his face is pale white! She asks whats going on? He says baby it happened I farted my guts out.... then holding up two fingers he says... but with the help of these two fingers i got them back in!!

BWAHAHAHAHA