OT: Monogamy, Ego, Hormones

[crunchy]

I can feel that dudes and helplessness pain in that photo LS. Damn...

 

[Deleted member 106824]

Little Slice, you don't plan on having kids right? I feel like that makes this much much easier. If I didn't want kids and a family I wouldn't even be having this conversation. I'd just date girls until they weren't as attractive or interesting and then go onto the next one, rinse and repeat until I was probably in my mid 40s and found a nice 30 year old. But I do think I want kids and a family and don't want wait until I'm 45 to do so.

Definitely see your point but also have nothing to convince anyone of at this point. I’ve gone down the road of infidelity numerous times and to be completely honest I can’t say that I never will again, it’s an itch that’s difficult not to scratch, especially with added hormones in the mix. The fact remains, I also know what I stand to lose if I do so... My wife, my kids and everything we’ve accomplished as a family. Sometimes those things are worth more to someone as they age and start seeing life in a bigger picture, rather than just looking for the next nut. You sound like you’ve been down a tough road and possibly been burned a time or two, it’s a tough thing to overcome for those that ever do. Cheers brother!

I've at times wondered if a better option would just be to be with the perfect girl, and occasionally go the infidelity route. You get the family, great women, young girls, and she's happy if she never finds out. But I don't think I could live like that.

I will say, I brought this concern of mine up to her a few months ago, and how I haven't been perfect, and it hurt her. I question if I should have even told her as it's made her less secure in the relationship (understandably). I did the "right thing" by telling her, but she said she would have been happier not knowing as long as I changed my behavior for the better. I don't want to justify lying though, I'd feel completely betrayed if someone did that to me.

In most simplistic terms realationship=conflict........

So stay alone forever, got it

 

[grizzly978]

If you’re second guessing it, I’d get out.
Look, all my friends that are married complain and come home to a nagging wife, my dad says to not get married.
If you get married and cheat etc and get caught, half of your stuff is GONE by the court.
There are great women out there, but you’re only 28.... you can date hot women in there early twenties for 10-15 more years if you make good money and stay in shape man.
My family member who I posted about that was shot.... he had tons of money and I swear , was single until 78, he has 2 daughters now, they’re 18 and 20.... he waited all those years because he had cash and didn’t want to lose it as he liked to go out and pick up young chicks. Now his wife at the time was 33...... call me a liar if you want but that’s real lol

 

[little slice]

If you’re second guessing it, I’d get out.
Look, all my friends that are married complain and come home to a nagging wife, my dad says to not get married.
If you get married and cheat etc and get caught, half of your stuff is GONE by the court.

im in the same position with the friend's and father lol..

it's wild... but guys keep marching down the aisle to their destruction.


OP, it sounds like you're rather conflicted... it's fine to be that way, and you may be this way for a long time... possibly forever.

marriage for a man is already an insanely bad idea, but going into a marriage with the amount and type of internal conflict that you are displaying is unspeakably unwise.

 

[Tom]

Little Slice, you don't plan on having kids right? I feel like that makes this much much easier. If I didn't want kids and a family I wouldn't even be having this conversation. I'd just date girls until they weren't as attractive or interesting and then go onto the next one, rinse and repeat until I was probably in my mid 40s and found a nice 30 year old. But I do think I want kids and a family and don't want wait until I'm 45 to do so.



I've at times wondered if a better option would just be to be with the perfect girl, and occasionally go the infidelity route. You get the family, great women, young girls, and she's happy if she never finds out. But I don't think I could live like that.

I will say, I brought this concern of mine up to her a few months ago, and how I haven't been perfect, and it hurt her. I question if I should have even told her as it's made her less secure in the relationship (understandably). I did the "right thing" by telling her, but she said she would have been happier not knowing as long as I changed my behavior for the better. I don't want to justify lying though, I'd feel completely betrayed if someone did that to me.



So stay alone forever, got it

Have been for 19 years now........ happily!

 

[grizzly978]

im in the same position with the friend's and father lol..

it's wild... but guys keep marching down the aisle to their destruction.


OP, it sounds like you're rather conflicted... it's fine to be that way, and you may be this way for a long time... possibly forever.

marriage for a man is already an insanely bad idea, but going into a marriage with the amount and type of internal conflict that you are displaying is unspeakably unwise.

Slice is speaking facts here.... echoing this “marching down their aisle to destruction “

Marriages these days are a bad deal for men. Even if you did nothing wrong, she divorces , and then you lose half of your stuff, alimony, and possibly child support... I forgot, lawyer fees.

Be careful OP, I think Slice has this one covered. Look at the divorce rates, the lowest birth rates since the early 1900s, the laws never equalized for men and until they do, marriage is a bad deal.

But this is your choice in the end, use logic and not emotion because that legal document could ruin you in every way possible.

 

[thethinker48]

"The problem with treating other people as casual sex partners is that you simultaneously treat yourself that way" - Jordan Peterson

Our actions are a byproduct of our psyche; our psyche is influenced by a million things (including the stuff we inject). But you reinforce your actions by the repeated things you do. Your 87th luxury car isn't going to be nearly as fulfilling as your first, and guys are somehow surprised when they reach this conclusion

 

[maldorf]

If you’re second guessing it, I’d get out.

This! If you are ready to be married then you would know for sure, there would be no doubts in your mind. I cheated on my now wife a couple of times when we were just dating and the sex was lousy, even though the girls were hot. The whole time I was screwing them I was thinking about my future wife. Kinda sad, but that's one way I knew that she was the lady for me. We had a fight and it looked like we were going to break up, but got back together a few weeks later.

My first wife had an affair, so I know what that feels like. I would never do that to another human being. Youll now when or if you are ready to marry. I wouldn't necessarily break up with your girlfriend, but I think the two of you need to have a serious conversation about what you both want out of the relationship. Don't keep leading her on if she wants to settle down soon and have kids, be monogamous, etc.

 

[maldorf]

"The problem with treating other people as casual sex partners is that you simultaneously treat yourself that way" - Jordan Peterson

Our actions are a byproduct of our psyche; our psyche is influenced by a million things (including the stuff we inject). But you reinforce your actions by the repeated things you do. Your 87th luxury car isn't going to be nearly as fulfilling as your first, and guys are somehow surprised when they reach this conclusion

This is wise! I learned that in my mid to late 20s. Is that from Confucius?

 

[NEMSZ]

OP it really does sound like you’re very conflicted.. And in part, sounds like you’re sticking around because you feel bad to hurt her when a part of you isn’t happy.. What sticks out is you reasoning saying things like; “She’d be 29 and past her prime” etc...

29 is not passed a woman’s prime.. Far from it.. Sure, it’s subjective and she might feel that way or the way she is (introverted) might make it seem that way.. But honestly, it’s not your job to feel bad for her for being introverted or not having friends or being super nice and accepting of everything etc...

I’ll give my personal experience and the experience of some older friends of mine...

Im the same age as you guys (29) and have similar feelings to you, no relationship at the moment but have been in your shoes and I live in a city (South FL) where there’s hot 10’s everywhere you turn your head and they’re a dime a dozen so I get not being satisfied and being super sexual etc.. I’ve been with 100’s of women myself and sometimes wonder about ever settling down etc but I also don’t have a relationship or love “clouding” my mind at the moment so I can think a bit more logically about the subject.. I’m not opposed to being serious with someone but I’m very picky about what I want with someone who’s going to be “forever” so they definitely have to have what I’m looking for but also, I’m not worried about it. If it comes in 1 year or 10 then so be it.. I’m really good at being alone (happily) and not codependent in the slightest so that helps.. Lots of people can’t do that (not saying this is you)..

You said earlier you knew a couple that was about 20 years apart with the girl being 22 and the guy being in his 40’s and to be honest, no fucking wonder it failed, 22 year olds are monkeys.. Nothing more.. lol That goes for both sexes despite the 0.01% outlier you might be able to make an example of, the majority don’t have their mind right at that age..

But a lot of guys who I know who’ve had successful and happy lives/relationships had them later in life... I know a couple guys who in their late 30’s/early 40’s had great careers making really good money/owning businesses and they ended up finding really good 28-32 year old women (not 22 year old GIRLS) and it’s worked out very well for nearly all of them..

So I look at it the same way.. I have so much more to accomplish in my life and my “forever” could be just 18 right now figuring herself out too and we might not meet until 10 years from now in Germany..

(Traveling I a huge goal of mine and do it often but I would love to just pick up and go for months/years at a time just bouncing around so that’s why I make the example... Can’t do that in a relationship, or at least not most relationships)..

Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that life is short and only you obviously know how you really feel but don’t ever hold yourself back because of someone else’s feelings, that to me is a bigger regret than letting someone great go.. And don’t focus on what would change and the heartache etc.. Thats a mind trick.. Of course things change and it hurts but she’s not the ONLY woman left in the world man and I don’t believe there’s only one person for everyone... There’s probably hundreds more women out in the world you’d have a great match up with, and dare I say, a better match up?

 

[maldorf]

Slice is speaking facts here.... echoing this “marching down their aisle to destruction “

Marriages these days are a bad deal for men. Even if you did nothing wrong, she divorces , and then you lose half of your stuff, alimony, and possibly child support... I forgot, lawyer fees.

Be careful OP, I think Slice has this one covered. Look at the divorce rates, the lowest birth rates since the early 1900s, the laws never equalized for men and until they do, marriage is a bad deal.

But this is your choice in the end, use logic and not emotion because that legal document could ruin you in every way possible.

Man, you guys are with all the wrong ladies! Hook up with a girl that is at minimum as successful and wealthy as you are, or better yet earns a lot more than you. There are lots of women out there with great careers, women that are intelligent and aren't looking for a man to be her meal ticket. With my wife the tables are definitely turned the other way, and have been most of our marriage. There are marriages out there like mine and you sure as hell don't hear the women crying about having a prenuptial agreement etc.

 

[NEMSZ]

Man, you guys are with all the wrong ladies! Hook up with a girl that is at minimum as successful and wealthy as you are, or better yet earns a lot more than you. There are lots of women out there with great careers, women that are intelligent and aren't looking for a man to be her meal ticket. With my wife the tables are definitely turned the other way, and have been most of our marriage. There are marriages out there like mine and you sure as hell don't hear the women crying about having a prenuptial agreement etc.

Does your wife have a sister? Cousin? Anything? Lol

That shit doesn’t really exist where I am, all these bitches care about is IG “likes” lmao

 

[maldorf]

I met my wife in graduate school and saw that she was smarter than me and had a greater drive to succeed than I did. She was strong willed and never earned less than an A in any class, even through graduate school. Now she is a senior VP at a big bank. Maybe you are looking in the wrong places?

 

[Deleted member 121863]

pumped, is it really a big accomplishment to bang random chicks? It`s not that hard, it does not make you unique or special, lots of people do it all the time! How many people have a partner that has their back for real, can push you to be a better person in every way, how many are actually happy? There are so many self-centered D bag men (and women) that only care about being pleased and filling their immediate needs with no regard for the other person or what they need! Does your girl fit into their? Do you fit in there? Sounds like you kinda do (constant need for more instant, ego pushing gratification of new pussy), maybe I`m wrong. If either is a YES, move on and let her go. If one person is only a "receiver" and gives nothing, it will not work.

To all the talk of wedding march of doom, blah blah.... Men often suck too! I don`t hang in the bro club, we do no wrong, but see reality. I`m married 11 yrs, we disagree sometimes, that`s life. We are not snowflakes that melt under a little heat. She wanted to start a business 11 yrs ago and I said throw some shit to the wall and see what sticks. That business is still going strong. She wanted to go to medical school, I said, I know you can do it! She just graduated. In that time she also pushed me to go back to school and I have just finished as well. We make each other stronger. The key is that you are both giving not just monetary, but emotionally, sexually, physically.

 

[little slice]

Man, you guys are with all the wrong ladies! Hook up with a girl that is at minimum as successful and wealthy as you are, or better yet earns a lot more than you. There are lots of women out there with great careers, women that are intelligent and aren't looking for a man to be her meal ticket. With my wife the tables are definitely turned the other way, and have been most of our marriage. There are marriages out there like mine and you sure as hell don't hear the women crying about having a prenuptial agreement etc.

ok boomer

 

[little slice]

pumped, is it really a big accomplishment to bang random chicks? It`s not that hard, it does not make you unique or special, lots of people do it all the time! How many people have a partner that has their back for real, can push you to be a better person in every way, how many are actually happy? There are so many self-centered D bag men (and women) that only care about being pleased and filling their immediate needs with no regard for the other person or what they need! Does your girl fit into their? Do you fit in there? Sounds like you kinda do (constant need for more instant, ego pushing gratification of new pussy), maybe I`m wrong. If either is a YES, move on and let her go. If one person is only a "receiver" and gives nothing, it will not work.

To all the talk of wedding march of doom, blah blah.... Men often suck too! I don`t hang in the bro club, we do no wrong, but see reality. I`m married 11 yrs, we disagree sometimes, that`s life. We are not snowflakes that melt under a little heat. She wanted to start a business 11 yrs ago and I said throw some shit to the wall and see what sticks. That business is still going strong. She wanted to go to medical school, I said, I know you can do it! She just graduated. In that time she also pushed me to go back to school and I have just finished as well. We make each other stronger. The key is that you are both giving not just monetary, but emotionally, sexually, physically.

you're missing the point.

yes, men suck, but we are not talking about dating/marrying men..

at any time in your marriage, your wife can say 'i am going to fuck the neighbor, and you are going to watch, and if you don't, i am going to file for divorce, and you are going to get fucked by the long cock of the state, because you entered into this legal contract on our wedding day'.

 

[NEMSZ]

I met my wife in graduate school and saw that she was smarter than me and had a greater drive to succeed than I did. She was strong willed and never earned less than an A in any class, even through graduate school. Now she is a senior VP at a big bank. Maybe you are looking in the wrong places?

You’ve never been to Miami have you? lol I think I’m just in the wrong city in general.. I’m not saying it’s absolutely impossible to find a good, intelligent woman with great qualities etc but it’s definitely one of the most difficult cities to find that.. I know women who are RN’s or getting their residency at hospitals on the verge of becoming doctors who party on their days off like crazy and do cocaine and fuck around etc.. I know of women who got their Master’s degree and ended up getting into porn lol..

I’m sure there are some good women here, but I’ve yet to meet any that are worth it.. From bars an clubs (obviously not a good place) to graduate schools and good careers, I know a bunch that are functional drug addicts and party animals... So what is the “right” place to look with those options? Lol Miami is a fucked up place Bro...

ok boomer

Someone watches The Fighter and The Kid Lol

 

[maldorf]

You’ve never been to Miami have you? lol I think I’m just in the wrong city in general.. I’m not saying it’s absolutely impossible to find a good, intelligent woman with great qualities etc but it’s definitely one of the most difficult cities to find that.. I know women who are RN’s or getting their residency at hospitals on the verge of becoming doctors who party on their days off like crazy and do cocaine and fuck around etc.. I know of women who got their Master’s degree and ended up getting into porn lol..

I’m sure there are some good women here, but I’ve yet to meet any that are worth it.. From bars an clubs (obviously not a good place) to graduate schools and good careers, I know a bunch that are functional drug addicts and party animals... So what is the “right” place to look with those options? Lol Miami is a fucked up place Bro...



Someone watches The Fighter and The Kid Lol

Well, where I live I haven't met too many women like that in graduate school. I met some in undergrad and they were fun for a few dates, but I realized fast that that's all they were good for. I wouldn't have dreamed about having a long term relationship with them. Certainly wouldn't "take them home to meet mom".
If the girl isn't as smart as me or more I'd not be interested. If she wasn't organized and successful I'd not want to be with her. With my first wife I didn't follow that, and I paid the price. I knew after that experience what my mistakes were. I got married too young, 22 yrs old.

There are plenty of women out there that are smart, successful, and earn as much or more than you. I think some men have the need to marry women that are intellectually inferior to them so that they feel superior. Some guys feel threatened and inferior if their wife earns more than them.

 

[Beti ona]

i dont offer advice to my friends anymore... they just don't get it.. it's really astonishing to see how incapable they are of putting 2 and 2 together - especially when we are having our mutual guy friends get destroyed in family court.

Child and Marriage

I have a question for thee alone, my brother: like a sounding-lead, cast I this question into thy soul, that I may know its depth.

Thou art young, and desirest child and marriage. But I ask thee: Art thou a man entitled to desire a child?

Art thou the victorious one, the self-conqueror, the ruler of thy passions, the master of thy virtues? Thus do I ask thee.

Or doth the animal speak in thy wish, and necessity? Or isolation? Or discord in thee?

I would have thy victory and freedom long for a child. Living monuments shalt thou build to thy victory and emancipation.

Marriage: so call I the will of the twain to create the one that is more than those who created it. The reverence for one another, as those exercising such a will, call I marriage.

Let this be the significance and the truth of thy marriage. But that which the many-too-many call marriage, those superfluous ones—ah, what shall I call it?

Ah, the poverty of soul in the twain! Ah, the filth of soul in the twain! Ah, the pitiable self-complacency in the twain!

Marriage they call it all; and they say their marriages are made in heaven.

Well, I do not like it, that heaven of the superfluous! No, I do not like them, those animals tangled in the heavenly toils!

Far from me also be the God who limpeth thither to bless what he hath not matched!

Laugh not at such marriages! What child hath not had reason to weep over its parents?

Worthy did this man seem, and ripe for the meaning of the earth: but when I saw his wife, the earth seemed to me a home for madcaps.

Yea, I would that the earth shook with convulsions when a saint and a goose mate with one another.

This one went forth in quest of truth as a hero, and at last got for himself a small decked-up lie: his marriage he calleth it.

That one was reserved in intercourse and chose choicely. But one time he spoilt his company for all time: his marriage he calleth it.

Another sought a handmaid with the virtues of an angel. But all at once he became the handmaid of a woman, and now would he need also to become an angel.

Careful, have I found all buyers, and all of them have astute eyes. But even the astutest of them buyeth his wife in a sack.

Many short follies—that is called love by you. And your marriage putteth an end to many short follies, with one long stupidity.

 

[Beti ona]

It hasn't mattered how much I've been into a girl, there have always wanted others after the first few months.

If you want to be faithful you should give up all your exogenous hormones, also being a father reduces sexual desire, you become more affectionate and sentimental, which stinks.

The fitness subculture is the less suitable for fidelity, you have drugs in your body and you are always exposed to people who looks young and pretty, many girls with a high libido.