Well divorce time.

[dragonfire101]

Cerberus777 how long have you been with your wife? How did you know she had BDP? Just curious to hear your side.

GS I don't think that my wife is taking pleasure in holding back my family. I think its about control and her anxiety. My wife will take a comment personally as an attack on her character. If I suggest an action of hers disappointed me she will say that it hurt her soul and that I hate her. Over the past several years my family has built up some resentment towards my wife so my wife is scared if my kids visit they will pick up on "how much my they hate her" (her perception) and my children will start to hate her. So interactions had to be almost like "supervised visits" until they just didn't occur anymore.

Here is the first portion of the first chapter of the book "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder."

Chapter 1
Welcome to Oz

Do you feel as though you’re walking on eggshells around someone important in your life? Does this phrase immediately strike not just a chord but a whole piano concerto? If so, someone in your life may have either borderline personality disorder (BPD) or borderline traits. Take a look at the following questions. If you answer “yes” to most of them, your loved one
might have BPD:

• Does she see you in one of two modes: either a hateful person who never loved her or a source of blessed, unconditional love?

• Does he continually put you in no-win situations? When you try to explain that his position is the opposite of what he said earlier, does it bring on more criticism?

• Is everything always your fault? Are you the target of constant criticism?

• Are there times when everything seems normal and you’re on her good side—even idealized—but then for no obvious reason everything falls apart? • When he’s angry, does it degrade into a take-no-prisoners, vicious attack that leaves you reeling?

• Does she use fear, obligation, and guilt to get her way? Do you feel so manipulated that you don’t trust her?

• Are you starting to doubt your own sense of reality? Has constant exposure to his skewed sensibility, combined with isolation from family and friends, made you feel like Dorothy confounded in the strange Land of Oz?

That too crazy as that describes my marriage with ex-wife. I went through this couple years ago, but having kids will compound things as you will be dealing with this even if you get a divorce.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Let me make this clear:

If you have kids with your wife and get a divorce, you'll see her more than you probably do now. Been there.

It's a damn nightmare.

 

[anarchocapitalist]

Haha ... OuchThatHurts thats hilarious and unfortunately starting to look that way. Communicate and interact more often. Funny thing is we have been getting a long a lot better.

I'm still in counseling. Learning that I have an anxiety-attachment style from my past childhood. Took my sons to a counselor to help explain to them and get some tools in my toolbox to help them cope. Went well the counselor said my oldest is learning and adjusting.

 

[anarchocapitalist]

question for you guys.

background. truthfully i've only been with my wife. i had one one night stand when i was 18. it was a terrible experience she started bleeding like crazy and i had to stop. anyways after that i met my wife and that was it.

hypothetically lets say i end up meeting someone who has slept with 10 guys. how do i deal with that. my wife and i were high school sweet hearts. i don't know why but i feel so uncomfortable with that.

im not sure if its an insecurity thing or what. its really none of my business. but i met someone who i have strong feelings for and i just can't seem to get past this.

i haven't brought it up with her but when she talks about her past i find myself getting agitated and she feels it.

i just don't know what to tell myself to get past this. or even identify why its such a problem for me. i don't think that 10 men is a lot. there are guys on here claiming to have slept with over 50 women.

i've just never been in the dating game as a mid 30 year old male. i realize the women i'm going to meet have been with other men.

 

[Ehren]

I've read the whole thread and all I can say is, Ive been there.

The mood swings, the bating you into an argument, the vilification, the escalation. I would have bitten my own arm off to get out of that trap! I don't miss her, never looked back. She's some other guy's problem now.

On the dating...I'm not sure I'd tackle that problem just now, Man. Either the dating or your issues concerning it. Good to think about how you feel so you can be prepared, but thinking you're gonna make good decisions now is pretty unlikely.

The problem with meeting and marrying young is that you stay the age you were when you met, in many ways. Same impressions and ideals and prejudices. But look at it this way; You've had the virgin or close to it. How'd that go? So, maybe a more experienced woman who has some perspective and dealings with men/relationships, would be a better partner. It's not just about who she slept with. Who cares? You just need to let the jealousy go. Set rules for yourself and follow them: Never ask who or how many. Judge her yourself, from your experience with her, her actions toward you and make a decision. JMO. I've made mistakes...lots of them. But I'm learning and getting cagey in my old age