Contemplating Divorce

[iintensity]

Hope the both of you work everything out

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Just seen this post from few years ago...Well I guess I seen it coming...She got her degree and job the past 2 months after I supported her last several years after she got laid off. She left and filed for divorce 8 weeks ago...

Holy shit, dude. So then, after all you did... Sometimes you can untrain a person from being an asshole and sometimes it's just seemingly 'bred' in, ya know, 'dyed in the wool', so to speak. So strange because it's not as if she's 22 or something. She had a plan.

She must have been quite the actress. I think there are better days on the horizon for you, my friend. Truly.

J

 

[Jetosin]

Cheer up man, you seem like a great guy and you'll find a different woman no problem. And since you have no kids with her it should be easier for you to start fresh and onto bigger and better things in life.

 

[dragonfire101]

Well no one can say you didn't give it your all, you were dedicated to this woman right up till the end....that was very noble of you.

I never cheated on her in 13 yrs I was with her either...I had plenty of opportunities and never even thought twice when they presented themself.

 

[dragonfire101]

Holy shit, dude. So then, after all you did... Sometimes you can untrain a person from being an asshole and sometimes it's just seemingly 'bred' in, ya know, 'dyed in the wool', so to speak. So strange because it's not as if she's 22 or something. She had a plan.

She must have been quite the actress. I think there are better days on the horizon for you, my friend. Truly.

J

Ouch I tried to bring her to therapy several times by someone very experienced with a PHD whose done therapy for 35 yrs. He said she has borderline personality traits and meeting criteria for border personality disorder currently and falls under narcissist...He said I bought the bate and was hooked and she changed after the marriage and demanded more and more and will never be happy unless she finds a Mr. Milquetoast...This guy was raised German American parents from Germany. Where I live there are a lot of Poles...He said he has several clients and it appears to be a reoccurring theme with Polish women and their culture..NOT sure your thoughts...He said the Catholic church and communism just did a number on the Polish psyche and their trapped in these roles and cant deviate from them..THOUGHTS...Says she was always this way since before I met her and blame her mother for he behavior...That since I met her so young 17 and parents took care of her then I did all these years and gave her what she wanted she was guarded from everything so her true personality never came out under stress. Last six months she was finishing school, getting a job and trying to have baby, and making friends something she never had for some reason which I use to have try and find her friends and he said her real personality came out.

 

[PHIL HERNON]

Well

Just trying to get back into a routine has been hard...but I' trying.

I hate to remind you of this because it seems like such bland advice......but times heals this pain and you wil be much better off when you meet someone that truly loves YOU..........and you feel the same. You have a lot of time for this my friend.......stay strong

 

[dragonfire101]

I hate to remind you of this because it seems like such bland advice......but times heals this pain and you wil be much better off when you meet someone that truly loves YOU..........and you feel the same. You have a lot of time for this my friend.......stay strong

thanks...

 

[thebrick]

Sorry you are in pain

Dragon, one day you will meet the right person and you will see that your ex actually did you a huge favor by giving you the freedom for that to happen. You will see that day.

 

[BigChef]

Bro, I am sorry that you are going through this but it's not the end of the world mate, take time to think and heal. There are plenty of fish in the sea bro and in fact someone out there will love you. It's hard to go through it but in the end you will be fine. I have been there done that! I know exactly how you feel but life goes on!

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Ouch I tried to bring her to therapy several times by someone very experienced with a PHD whose done therapy for 35 yrs. He said she has borderline personality traits and meeting criteria for border personality disorder currently and falls under narcissist...He said I bought the bate and was hooked and she changed after the marriage and demanded more and more and will never be happy unless she finds a Mr. Milquetoast...This guy was raised German American parents from Germany. Where I live there are a lot of Poles...He said he has several clients and it appears to be a reoccurring theme with Polish women and their culture..NOT sure your thoughts...He said the Catholic church and communism just did a number on the Polish psyche and their trapped in these roles and cant deviate from them..THOUGHTS...Says she was always this way since before I met her and blame her mother for he behavior...That since I met her so young 17 and parents took care of her then I did all these years and gave her what she wanted she was guarded from everything so her true personality never came out under stress. Last six months she was finishing school, getting a job and trying to have baby, and making friends something she never had for some reason which I use to have try and find her friends and he said her real personality came out.

My thoughts on this are very simple, my friend. She is simply socially inept. What may look like something as complicated as borderline personality disorder or true narcissism, in reality, is rather just a person who is simply a spoiled little girl that never grew up (i.e. a brat). She's now what is commonly referred to as an asshole. THAT MAY CHANGE. She may hit a brick wall, rock bottom, character-building adversities, who knows. Not a guarantee by any means. Trust me that all minds, for reasons unknown, reach emotional development at different ages. Some never reach development and some, once reaching it, will continue progressing for life (wisdom). I definitely don't believe it's a cultural vestige left over from Poland's woes. She would have missed all of that and besides, Poland today is not all that different from the US in fact, many of their policies are copied from the US (for example, "no child left behind"). No. Right now, she's a well-trained asshole. Not by nature understand, but by environment. I would highly doubt she has some built-in organic assholedness or worse, a true mental disorder, seriously. Is there anything you could have done? Did you contribute to all of this? Who knows. But what you DO have control over right now, at this moment, is where you go from here. Let me know how it goes and remember that I'm just giving you my thoughts, for what they're worth. I don't know her well enough to be definitive about much.

But I'm sure of this much: you're young and you have a lot of future ahead of you and seemingly a lot to offer brother. Don't accept any consolation prize. You'll just regret it and resent it.

edit: "I don't know here well enough"?

 

[dragonfire101]

My thoughts on this are very simple, my friend. She is simply socially inept. What may look like something as complicated as borderline personality disorder or true narcissism, in reality, is rather just a person who is simply a spoiled little girl that never grew up (i.e. a brat). She's now what is commonly referred to as an asshole. THAT MAY CHANGE. She may hit a brick wall, rock bottom, character-building adversities, who knows. Not a guarantee by any means. Trust me that all minds, for reasons unknown, reach emotional development at different ages. Some never reach development and some, once reaching it, will continue progressing for life (wisdom). I definitely don't believe it's a cultural vestige left over from Poland's woes. She would have missed all of that and besides, Poland today is not all that different from the US in fact, many of their policies are copied from the US (for example, "no child left behind"). No. Right now, she's a well-trained asshole. Not by nature understand, but by environment. I would highly doubt she has some built-in organic assholedness or worse, a true mental disorder, seriously. Is there anything you could have done? Did you contribute to all of this? Who knows. But what you DO have control over right now, at this moment, is where you go from here. Let me know how it goes and remember that I'm just giving you my thoughts, for what they're worth. I don't know her well enough to be definitive about much.

But I'm sure of this much: you're young and you have a lot of future ahead of you and seemingly a lot to offer brother. Don't accept any consolation prize. You'll just regret it and resent it.

edit: "I don't know here well enough"?

werll when i went to her mother to discuss what to do when this all went down she said a hiusband should "listen to his wife, do what she says and have an opnion, but keep it to himself and tahts key to a sucessful marriage and making ur wife happy" Then she told me her husband chased her for 5 yrs and he was lasy man on earth she would go out with and she was in love with anothe rman and when they broke up her husband was there so gave him a chance....WTF seriously that just sounds pretty scewed version of what most peoples relatity is...My wife said when she left me I didnt "worship the ground she walked on "and a husband is suppose to..Sounds liek I came pretty close...She then said if i knew how to get a women back maybe she wouldve came back and to go read a romance noval...I told my mother and soem close female fiends tyhis and they said taht was immature thinking and not relaity...same that the therapist we seen said that she had immature and realitry was skewed...

Not saying I never did anything wrong but I owned it and woudl try to change things...The therapsit we seen said she is uncable of experiencing "Empathy"...

 

[Tyrone]

Sorry all this happened Dragon but, I'm happy that you're now going to have a chance to find yourself a great woman and not technically be cheating at all. You deserve so much better, period.

 

[triathloncoach]

Lots of great advice on this page. You will be happier once you get past this.

And Ouch really hit home with his rather base analysis. I know I am not proud every time I look in the mirror. And I have been told I have this or that pyschiatric condition. You know, it's not my fault, I'm not responsible for my behavior. Ya-huh.

But with me and your ex, that is hooey. We know what is right and wrong, we know that we only think of ourselves. I'm a smart guy. I get it. Just like me, your ex-wife is an Asshole. She victimized you with her eyes wide open. She had a plan.

Congratulations on your liberation. Yeah, it's horribly painful, but it's so worth it Dragon. You just had your cancer ripped out sans anesthesia, but it's now gone. Heal. And the best part is you have no choice. She set you free and locked the door.

 

[turbobusa]

I'm married for the 3rd time. Almost 9 yrs. My two previous splits were painful regardless if I wanted it or not. In retrospect(where i'm a damn genius)
There was no way those first two would last. We were not meant for each other . Hope you come up soon. Pain and sadness are not where you want to be. Good luck , T

 

[Shade_star]

Trying to check in on the OP - how are things going? Hate hearing shit like this especially to what it sounds like a good bro.

 

[Randa]

I'm very sorry to hear of the divorce. It's not easy.

My divorce was the hardest, most life-changing thing I've ever been through. It truly makes you a stronger person. It teaches you a lot about yourself that you never knew. You'll come out on top... and it's not impossible to fall in love with someone new.

Rundown:
My ex-husband moved out in August of last year. Two weeks after he moved out, I got layed off. We were together for 7 years. We tried having kids, but fertility treatments became too expensive and too emotionally draining. I also found out he had cheated on me with several other people... including people I was close to. The last year he was home, he was in a relationship with someone and financially supporting them while I was working two jobs. Because of the divorce, we lost our home to foreclosure and I was left on my own. He took all of the money we had saved. I had no family in the same state or close enough to depend on, move in with, or to help me out. Our divorce became final in March.

He's the biggest piece of shit I know... and I would've taken a bullet for him.

He's now engaged with her two kids - acting like he's Father of the Year.

However, my life is a million times better now. I have a job. My own account. My own place. More importantly, I was able to find love...

A love for myself and my own capabilities knowing that I can make it without that mother fucker ... and a love with someone who has made me appreciate life in a way I never imagined. This is a life-changing experience, but it is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to find yourself... and all that you deserve to smile about.

Best wishes to you.

 

[dragonfire101]

Haven't been around in awhile. Divorce final next week in Court and just been preparing for it and just trying to maintain bills and my home.

 

[Rory33]

Haven't been around in awhile. Divorce final next week in Court and just been preparing for it and just trying to maintain bills and my home.

Good luck bro.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Haven't been around in awhile. Divorce final next week in Court and just been preparing for it and just trying to maintain bills and my home.

I hope everything seriously works out well for you. You seem like you got dealt a bad hand. Hopefully, this door closes and an even better life opens up to you.

 

[jm750]

Sry to hear about this. Hopefully things will work out where it don't get ugly in the Divorce. (I didn't read the entire thread)

It is hard to believe that you guys were together for 10 years, then get married and it only lasts for 3.
I could never understand why things like this happen?
Another spouses family can really get in the way of a relationship at times. Take the time you need to heal, and I'm sure you will find someone to love just as much.

whatever you do, do not dwell on it and blame yourself. Hold your chin up high.....

good luck Brother.