Wife wants a divorce, need advice :/.

[Blacktail]

I’m sorry man!
From my personal experience she has someone’ else and has for sometime.
Get a good lawyer man. She sounds like the type that will try to be your friend and screw you at the same time!
Good luck

 

[Virtuous]

Sorry to hear this, sounds rough man.
You travel a lot for work don’t you, does that have anything to be do with it?

Probably. She just started traveling for work 4 months ago, we’re both on the road half the month now

 

[Virtuous]

A few questions:

First, what are both your ages?

Second, how long have you both been married?

Third, are there children between you two?

Both 32, married for ~18 months, she has a kid (my step son) but that’s it

 

[headtrainer]

Any woman that bitched about the ring you got her being too small…..and threatening to fuck other guys…that’s childish immature and disgustingly cruel brother. You can’t let people treat you that way. that’s all I’d need to hear to be done and over her straight away. Iv left girls in the dust for much less. Drunk or not I wouldn’t accept that as an excuse. Grown adults make their own choices without excuse and they should own them. But then again I wouldn’t be hanging out with a girl that concerned about monetary things in the first place. Eventually she would leave you and take everything you own my man. Been there done that. Go find a girl that has no issues with signing a pre nuptial stating that if it ever ends she would walk away with nothing but the things she brought into the relationship and had no interest cleaning you out in the end. That’s the kind of girl you want. If they refuse the pre nup then just assume she has plans to destroy you in the event f a breakup. Ultimately it’s your choice to stay in a shit show but I highly advise against it. If you need a woman find a kind hearted one that won’t hurt you. There’s plenty of them out there bud. That’s the kind you deserve. I wish you the best of luck. Take care of yourself and protect your heart the best you can. All we can really do is remove the things from our lives that hurt us as best we can. And live happy for you and be good to yourself.

True! I’d kick her to the curb!

 

[Alzadosghost]

Both 32, married for ~18 months, she has a kid (my step son) but that’s it

Brotha do yourself a favor. If she threatened to cheat she more than likely already has and will continue to do so. You don’t have kids and 18 months is longer than the average marriage lasts so you did better than most. You can do a fuck of a lot better than that man. Be good to you. Live for YOU! Get out while you still can. Hide all your valuables somewhere else outside your home. Stash it at mom and pops or a buddies place. If you have weapons get them out of the house before all hell breaks loose. Cover you ass before you dump her trust me. She will try and take all your stuff whenever she gets the chance. If you have guns she will
Try and use that shit against you somehow. I’m
Talking from many years of experience being with psycho cunts I know what I’m talking about. Listen to the old guys we know what time it is. I’d get that ring back as well. If she’s not going to be your girl there is no reason for her to keep it. If she keeps it and Dosnt give it back you know for a fact she a fucking tosser. Think it all through as calmly as you can under the stress of this all. I’m not being an asshole I’m talking to you like a real friend.

 

[Virtuous]

Brotha do yourself a favor. If she threatened to cheat she more than likely already has and will continue to do so. You don’t have kids and 18 months is longer than the average marriage lasts so you did better than most. You can do a fuck of a lot better than that man. Be good to you. Live for YOU! Get out while you still can. Hide all your valuables somewhere else outside your home. Stash it at mom and pops or a buddies place. If you have weapons get them out of the house before all hell breaks loose. Cover you ass before you dump her trust me. She will try and take all your stuff whenever she gets the chance. If you have guns she will
Try and use that shit against you somehow. I’m
Talking from many years of experience being with psycho cunts I know what I’m talking about. Listen to the old guys we know what time it is. I’d get that ring back as well. If she’s not going to be your girl there is no reason for her to keep it. If she keeps it and Dosnt give it back you know for a fact she a fucking tosser. Think it all through as calmly as you can under the stress of this all. I’m not being an asshole I’m talking to you like a real friend.

No I appreciate it greatly man. I’m leaving on a work trip Tuesday so I’ll get all my guns (I have tons, they’re all secured but still), valuables, and other shit out tomorrow and see what the temperature is Friday when I’m back.

I suspect you’re entirely correct. She cheated on me when we were dating with some ex’s and still snapchats them (not ashamed to say I check every now and then), I honestly just really wanted this to work because when we’re good, we’re great. I have so much fun with her and everyone says we’re perfect together, but obviously they only see the surface of everything.

 

[Alzadosghost]

No I appreciate it greatly man. I’m leaving on a work trip Tuesday so I’ll get all my guns (I have tons, they’re all secured but still), valuables, and other shit out tomorrow and see what the temperature is Friday when I’m back.

I suspect you’re entirely correct. She cheated on me when we were dating with some ex’s and still snapchats them (not ashamed to say I check every now and then), I honestly just really wanted this to work because when we’re good, we’re great. I have so much fun with her and everyone says we’re perfect together, but obviously they only see the surface of everything.

Good men watch out for each other and spread the good word from experience. Iv just seen too many solid bros go down in flames because they couldn’t be strong and man up and see the reality of things. Myself included. Women are are a real love/hate thing. It’s intricacies are unending. It’s a forever learning process with relationships and love. A double edged sword. I have a feeling you’ll come out on top my man. Tread lightly bud

 

[dantes]

Buy her flowers? Yes, totally reward bad behaviour. . I bet you’re easy to fuck over

The guy clearly isn’t ready to give up on the relationship. I think it’s better to make peace and then sit and think about his true long term goals and expectations and then decide to leave if that’s what he wants rather than make a rash a decision. But sure act like a tough guy like every guy in the thread.

 

[jaxino]

Bah.... That part about the rings... really killed all my good thoughts about this girl.
I had a couple of fights with drunk girlfriends in my life and all those words where pure truth.

Drop here asap and stay away from her forever. Women can really fuck up us so badly....

I am really sorry to hear all that, women nowadays are really hopeless. Stay strong bro.

 

[qwerty_lifter]

.......She cheated on me when we were dating with some ex’s and still snapchats them...

Get. Out.

 

[NovaPharma]

Brother first of all it’s not your KID so GET THE FUCK OUT you already seen her true color.

Stop being fucking stupid the fact that she lashed out and talking about fucking other guys and shit means she has thought about it or done it.

DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT, TALK TO OTHER GIRLS, DISTRACT YOURSELF.

GO FUCK ANOTHER GIRL GET A DIVORCE LEAVE BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!!

RUN FOR THE FUCKING HILLS!!

FILE FOR DIVORCE MAKE SURE U GET OUT OF IT IF U STILL WANNA FUCK HER FROM TIME TO TIME DO IT BUT GET YOURSELF ANOTHER GIRL.

This is all just a big pile of dogshit stop stepping on it on purpose.

Get another fucking girl while your with her and get the fuck out at this point anything goes.12

 

[hevi-head]

@Virtuous so what’s she saying about everything now?

 

[ChrisT47]

13 years ago I was in a relationship with a girl, we were engaged to be married, in fact we booked the wedding, cost a lot of money too. Whenever she got drunk it was like you've described, nasty and vicious, sometimes physical and I had doubts but against my instincts went ahead with the wedding.

Anyway, the ceremony was lovely, outside, beautiful summer day, friends and family in attendance. However as the day went on and against agreed behaviour ie she promised not to get drunk. She got drunk and then mayhem, it's a long story but in summary she attacked me, scratched my face open and in a split second I retaliated leaving her on the floor with significant injuries. Then came my getting arrested in front of friends and family, night in the local cells, then a court case, and a divorce.

Took me a long time to come to terms with what happened, and what I took from it was to trust my instincts and stay away from any woman who drinks and gets nasty as it ALWAYS ends in tears!!

 

[juggy38]

Bother….I’m sorry. I know the pain you probably felt that night and continue to do.

Divorce is HARD. Even when the marriage is for sure fucked. Stress, so much stress.

BUT, she has resentment….at that time it’s over. Also, you have no biological children, GET OUT. 18 months is nothing. Don’t waste another year of sufffering then be right back here at 20 months time.

Find a close friend to lean on. Limit all other stress as much as you can.

 

[Virtuous]

13 years ago I was in a relationship with a girl, we were engaged to be married, in fact we booked the wedding, cost a lot of money too. Whenever she got drunk it was like you've described, nasty and vicious, sometimes physical and I had doubts but against my instincts went ahead with the wedding.

Anyway, the ceremony was lovely, outside, beautiful summer day, friends and family in attendance. However as the day went on and against agreed behaviour ie she promised not to get drunk. She got drunk and then mayhem, it's a long story but in summary she attacked me, scratched my face open and in a split second I retaliated leaving her on the floor with significant injuries. Then came my getting arrested in front of friends and family, night in the local cells, then a court case, and a divorce.

Took me a long time to come to terms with what happened, and what I took from it was to trust my instincts and stay away from any woman who drinks and gets nasty as it ALWAYS ends in tears!!

Goddamn man. That’s awful. That had to hurry beyond words. I’m so sorry. My situation isn’t anything as bad as that. I’m pretty hurt over words and some infidelity but physical abuse is a whole different level of horrible. I’d love to say I’d never hit a woman, and I haven’t, but striking your face (and not for the first time) drawing blood would honestly be justified self defense in my book. Men aren’t punching bags for insane violent women.

 

[Virtuous]

Bother….I’m sorry. I know the pain you probably felt that night and continue to do.

Divorce is HARD. Even when the marriage is for sure fucked. Stress, so much stress.

BUT, she has resentment….at that time it’s over. Also, you have no biological children, GET OUT. 18 months is nothing. Don’t waste another year of sufffering then be right back here at 20 months time.

Find a close friend to lean on. Limit all other stress as much as you can.

The only thing I’m NOT worried about here s the actual divorce process, I made sure we had paper drawn for a potential split prior to getting married so I won’t lose shit here unless she steals it and I have to fight it in court, but that’s the one thing based on her history she wouldn’t do.

One of the things I did/do love about her is her independence. When she had the kid 11 years ago, she split from the guy a short while after but never took a dime from him or made him pay child support. She’s pretty financially successful. Less financially well off than I am, but she makes a SOLID 6 figures and has already told me I can keep all my shit and my dogs (lol). I have paper to enforce that.

Now it’s just dealing with regret over the sink cost of time where I could have build a life with someone else, tbh.

 

[Virtuous]

@Virtuous so what’s she saying about everything now?

I got a very brief apology but not the heartfelt sort, more like one of the “I want him to forget this so I don’t lose him but I don’t actually feel guilty” sort.

This is gonna sound totally douchey but on paper I’m a catch. It’s not often you find dudes running around at 220 lbs 10% bodyfat with good social circles and a great career that puts me financially in the Bernie Sanders “1 puhcent” crowd, and I take care of all the family overhead, plus I actually cook/clean/shop for the family so she can spend evenings with her son, took the family on my dime in two vacations a month since she grew up poor and her son and her hadn’t ever left the state of Texas until she met me. I helped get her a series of jobs and degrees while we were dating that turned her into a very successful woman. Looking at it now me doing all that probably made her respect me less, but from my perspective I was trying to give her the world.

We’re cordial as of this morning but I’m doubting her motives in everything now.

 

[hevi-head]

I got a very brief apology but not the heartfelt sort, more like one of the “I want him to forget this so I don’t lose him but I don’t actually feel guilty” sort.

This is gonna sound totally douchey but on paper I’m a catch. It’s not often you find dudes running around at 220 lbs 10% bodyfat with good social circles and a great career that puts me financially in the Bernie Sanders “1 puhcent” crowd, and I take care of all the family overhead, plus I actually cook/clean/shop for the family so she can spend evenings with her son, took the family on my dime in two vacations a month since she grew up poor and her son and her hadn’t ever left the state of Texas until she met me. I helped get her a series of jobs and degrees while we were dating that turned her into a very successful woman. Looking at it now me doing all that probably made her respect me less, but from my perspective I was trying to give her the world.

We’re cordial as of this morning but I’m doubting her motives in everything now.

That’s not being a douche at all man, that’s called knowing your worth……
Talk to an attorney asap as she’s not sorry and unfortunately it seems inevitable

 

[Virtuous]

That’s not being a douche at all man, that’s called knowing your worth……
Talk to an attorney asap as she’s not sorry and unfortunately it seems inevitable

Yep. Hard pill to swallow. I have a busy day today then fly out to Denver tomorrow for a board meeting but I’m back late Thursday, Friday I’ll start the process of retaining an attorney and go from there.


I’m sorry to dump this all on y’all, but you all have experience and perspective I need. Most of my closest friends are work colleagues or former colleagues that I’ll probably work with again, and I don’t want to mix church and state so I don’t want to go to them with this.

My family are all telling me to bail for what that’s worth, even my totally divorce-adverse super Christian mom

 

[pickapeck]

I've been married nearly 40 years. People say messed up stuff in the heat of it. Best advice I can offer is to give it some time. Women don't think rationally while the emotions are cranking. That comes later. That's when she will realize what she has.